nah. i just live in the here and now mainly :)
but thinking about it now -pretty much the only decision i made was to come out and tell people about a huge part of my identity and be myself. so if i hadn’t done that? i’d probably have hidden my identity, fallen further into depression, and committed suicide to be quite honest. living in fear made me depressed. coming out was better than being fearful and not knowing anything. even when someone was physically beating me for being who i was? getting beaten was better than living in fear - at least i was who i was (that was the worst reaction to my coming out/living as a man that i ever had.) i survived the physical pain. i survived not having enough money to buy a binder, have top surgery, see a doctor. i survived waiting.
in the end, it led me to now. it hasn’t been easy, but it also wasn’t much of a decision. it was more i woke up one day, my heart on fire and feet ready to move forward, and in front of me, there were two paths - be alive or continue to hide.
choose life. choose happiness. whatever decisions you ever make in your life - choose happiness.
ab-stein said: do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn't made the decision to transition?
"He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights (via randombookblog)